The Good Ship Morality vs The Pirates...

Whoooooh scary title eh?

But sadly it is just a rather theatrical head dress that I have plonked on top of the same old badger-faced rant that I always find myself regurgitating...

File-sharing and music theft (sigh..)

I don't for one minute believe that many (or indeed ANY) people who read this blog are going to go away and think "Wow that guy has really touched me... I am only going to pay for my music now", because they are not. In fact you probably have this window open in a tab next to Rapidshare, Z-Share or Megaupload. And with each heavy hearted keystroke I type, millions of pounds worth of music all over the world makes its way onto peoples computers without so much of a nod towards the people who worked hard to create it...

My argument is not a selfish one, I promise. Originally I think it was. I would say things like, "My record would be X many places higher on Beatport if it wasn't for all this!", or "I would have made X pounds more if it wasn't for all that".

But now I have let the ingredients of my rants (my rage, my anger and my disappointment) simmer for a while...

They have gradually reduced themselves down to a thick, sweet jus of sadness.

Because I don't blame the internet for this pandemic. Nor do I blame the lack of security on MP3 files...

I blame PEOPLE.

The internet in many ways is like a nuclear missile. A missile is an awesome feat of engineering. It has the ability to inflict the maximum amount of damage with little or no participation from its operator. He just sits in front of his screen a thousand miles away and hits the big red button.

However, all of us as operators have the choice not to press that button. We can all look at the list of songs on www.anotherfreakingrussianblogofferingmyhardworkfornothing.ru and say, "You know what... I'll go and get this from Beatport".

But we DON'T. And that is where the crime happens... Yes hosting the tracks is a breach of mechanical copyright. But if nobody downloaded them they wouldn't bother hosting them.

Nope I am sticking to my guns and I am laying the blame squarely on PEOPLE and the lack of morality that is being instilled in the iGeneration. Downloading illegal music is no different to being given a window of opportunity at a department store and shoving a load of sweaters in your bag Winona Ryder style. Its wrong, and no matter what excuse you fire at me it will ALWAYS be wrong. The really sad part is you won't realize it is wrong until its too late...

The bow of the 'Good Ship Morality' has been fired upon by the pirates and now the ship is sinking... And there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it.

I was accused of soap-boxing about this in Twitter earlier. My reply was "Damn right I am!". I can't change this situation, but I can make my opinion heard.

I am an officer on the 'Good Ship Morality' + I am holding my salute true and firm, as this once glorious vessel goes to shit and disappears into the murky black waters of "acceptable theft".

DJs, Premature Ejaculation + Sting...

The following is some important information about premature ejaculation:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premature_ejaculation

As most people reading this blog will realize, this is a BAD thing because just as you and your partner start to get going, you blow your load and its all over (all over her legs, all over your bed or all over your trousers if its REALLY premature...). Your partner will say"Oh its ok, it happens to most guys, I am sure its just a one off" but secretly she will think you are pathetic and she will be off home to dry hump her tumble dryer before the wet patch has dried...

Unless...

Maybe if you can get your erection back...

"YAY Success! Lets try it ag... (spurt) Oh crap... There I go again..."

Now you could keep doing this over and over again, but no matter how many times you spunk up, you are NOT actually having sex.

By this point I imagine you may wonder where I am going with this?

Well every week I play in clubs and I see the same thing. I step up to the decks and play my intro and suddenly I am bombarded with mobile phone screens asking me to play "What The Fuck" or "Man With The Red Face". I usually make a kind of rolling forwards hand gesture to signify 'Later' but sure enough, one song in it begins again.... Now I am fully aware that you people like these records. I do too, and I know you want to hear them. However...

This is Sting...

Now can anyone tell me something interesting about Mr. Sting here? Well let me help you out. Sting has allegedly mastered the art of tantric sex. In tantric sex the most important features of sexual practice revolve around the experience of subtle energies within our sensual embodiment, and the accessing of these energies both to enhance pleasure and to challenge our egotism into its dissolution. Thus, tantric sexuality often cultivates ecstatic consciousness as well as increased spiritual awareness of the erotic consciousness that pervades one's human embodiment as well as everything that contextualizes this embodiment. It also last for a long time... a VERY long time. But ultimately the ejaculation part is far more satisfying. There fore Mr Sting here can take the same girl we mentioned earlier, finesse her, tantalize her and after a couple of earth shattering hours he can rut her like an ass crazed monkey until completion. The aforementioned girl goes away with an enormous smile on her face and the puddle that you would have left down the front of your jeans is now snaking its way up her tubes to cause her a more serious problem 9 months down the line...

Now in my mind this used to be what a DJ was all about (The longevity thing, not the knocking-up girls thing although I am pretty sure that the two went hand in hand fairly often). The DJ would step up to the decks and you as clubbers would listen to them tell their story. The story would unfurl over the next two hours or so and finally, just like a good action movie the last 30 minutes would turn into a veritable gunfight of massive tracks that would leave you walking away from the night tired, but thoroughly satisfied. The joy of hearing DJ's like John Digweed was knowing that they would finish with something like "Heaven Scent" or "King Of Snake" but waiting to see how they were going to get there, and what new future classics you would hear along the way. Its already difficult enough with most warmup DJs turning into the "Beatport Top 10 Jukebox" as soon as they get anywhere near a big gig just so they can walk away and say they "Smashed it". No you didn't smash it mate. You just spunked down the front of your skinny fit jeans umpteen times in front of a room full of people....

So let me summarize this for you all...

Before you reach for your phone think...

Every DJ has a story to tell...

LET THEM TELL IT PLEASE!

How To Rave 101...

I have just got back from probably one of the most enjoyable gigs I have ever been to...

ORBITAL - Live at the O2 Academy Brixton.

What I had figured would be a nice bit of appreciative chin-stroking and the odd hands in the air moment while we all gawked at the little lights on their heads, quite rapidly degenerated into a sweaty filthy rave up.

And who were the instigators? The brothers Hartnoll, that's who...

Clearly they were enjoying themselves as much, if not MORE than we were!

What stood out about this gig for me was the awesome raw power at work in the room. 808s synced to 909s synced to 303s, all colliding in a frenzied barrage of real LIVE dance music. This wasn't just a load of loops and audio tracks playing from a laptop but proper live analogue knob tweakage... (a point proven by their rig shutting down mid song and the midi notes on their Moog hanging! lol)

And the intricate simplicity of the tracks worked to perfection. These guys didn't fuck about with white noises and swooshes. There were no enormous build ups and over the top fx laden crescendos... It was just DAMN GOOD MUSIC...

Seeing them in action made me realize the massive influence they have had on my life. They are I guess to me, what Pink Floyd are to my Dad...

In fact they are one of the main reasons I do what I do, and from now on they will be the reason why I want to do it for ever...

Thank you guys. You absolutely rocked my world tonight.

Thank god its over!!!

Well thats it for another year. The boundless torrent of spam that I have been forced to embrace for the last couple of months has FINALLY ceased... Because the voting for the top 100 DJs has closed.

AND THANK CHRIST FOR THAT.

I made a conscious decision this year not to pester people for votes for a very simple reason.

We all read the results every year and we all think the same thing... "Who the fuck is THAT?" and "How on earth is this guy/girl in here?" etc etc...

Well its simple: If you can drum up enough votes you WILL get in... But people don't need to be your fan to vote for you!

They only need to be bored enough amidst their daily routine to click your link. Remember, many viruses, trojan horses and other internet critters have been spread throughout the globe by people clicking on stuff just because they have 5 minutes to waste...

Every year at this time, the DJ world becomes obsessed with canvassing for votes and metaphorically "kissing the baby" in a bid to get into that elusive upper centum. But do they really think that anybody believes it? I honestly don't know a single person that holds stock in it and therefore I say this:

If I get in this year then thank you for voting for me as a REAL fan... and if I don't then clearly I am NOT one of the top 100DJS in the world...

The latter is hardly the end of the world after all...

The whole thing is akin to this new trend that has sprung forth on Facebook:

"DJ Superfunkymegabollocks suggests you become a fan of DJ Superfunkymegabollocks"

Why does he suggest this? He is in Israel or Morocco or wherever and I am in the UK. I am unlikely to ever hear him mix or ever see him play... so what kind of fan am I?

Answer: The kind of fan who is willing to be a virtual chasm for the oodles and oodles of spam that this persons fan page is going to vomit at me, thats what kind.

Now many of you may say "Its ok for you. People know who you are so you don't need to self publicise like they do".

But why do people know who I am? Because I have tried to let my music and my DJing speak for itself.

Having 87,000 Indian fans is pretty pointless if you are a young Romanian DJ who has never left Eastern Europe.

DJing is rapidly becoming a game of numbers rather than talent.

Soon the emails and spam that gets sent out by DJs will be treated with the same contempt as the Viagra and Nigerian Money Scam emails that we all receive on a daily basis...

So do yourselves AND the dance music world a favor and show a little class...

If people like what you do then they will join your fan page...

Whatch what you say!

So today was quite mad on my Facebook. I just couldn't stop offending people! Firstly this guy posted a stinky message because I hadn't listened to his mates demo... although that was all dealt with pretty swiftly! Then I made a derogatory comment about Mark Morrison (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Morrison - remember him?) and one of his mates had a pop at me!

HOWEVER... On looking back at this I thought to myself "What right do I have to say these things?". I mean even in jest its still pretty crappy to just use somebody as a comedic device y'know? And its something I do a lot tbh...

Now in my defence what I said about him WAS half true (I called him a talentless community service dodging shitehawk) in so far that he DID do this: http://www.virginmedia.com/music/pictures/profiles/popstars-on-community-service.php?ssid=4. But he certainly wasn't talentless. He had a good voice and that song of his (Return Of The Mack) was a major pulling device at many a college party back in the day! And I don't even know what a shitehawk IS so I don't think that bit counts...

His mate pointed out to me that now he does loads of charity work and helps kids and stuff so I felt kinda bad about the whole thing. So I guess this is an open admission and apology for being a bit of a dick really. I think in this industry we are all prone to knocking people when really we secretly envy their achievements in a way. I mean I would love to have had a single as big as "Return Of The Mack".

Will I learn from my mistake? Probably not. As I type this I am on Twitter ribbing Tinchy Stryder's lyrics...

Do I think its right? Certainly not...

Is it funny? Yeah sometimes but maybe try not to make it the ONLY string to your bow! lol

I hope that most people who read my Twitter understand that I am being jovial and I don't really mean most of the shit that I say!

I like to entertain and amuse if possible, but a hater I am not...

Ibiza... WOW!

People often get sentimental over Ibiza, but until now I have failed to really "Get It". I mean yes I thought the clubs were impressive and yes I thought the sound systems were great... but really the only thing that moved me was the sunset. I loved the fact that in the newer commercially driven Ibiza, the biggest attraction on the island was an act of nature, beautifully framed by the islands and headland of the bay...

As you can see though I am talking in past tense... cuz 2009 was different.

I can't quite put my finger on the actual reason WHY it was different but it was. People were far more music driven and far less booze driven.

In previous years people were turning up to the clubs HAMMERED to the point of blacking out because of the soaring drinks prices (Which I must say are STILL soaring and its a fucking piss take... €14 for a can of red bull???? Whoever plucked that magic number out of the air deserves to have their fucking bollocks pulped...). But this year I saw a much more together crowd. People danced, held their hands up, reached for the lasers and sang their hearts out to every anthem they knew the words to.

And you know what? Good on you all! You have overcome the powers that be who say that recession is on us... You have overcome the club owners who are determined to turn Ibiza into a millionaires playground... But more than all of this you have enjoyed Ibiza for what it is. A beautiful, magical place that can work its way into your heart and never leave...

Thanks to every single one of you that came to see me play at any of the gigs I did over there! You made my year!

Adam

x x x x x

Whoohoo I have a blog!

Okay so I guess it was time to take the plunge. I have moaned several times about the lack of characters on Twitter so I figured I would start a blog. Obviously at the moment my blog will be a pretty crap because it contains one post... And that post is me telling you how crap my blog is... The future is bright eh?

So anyhow I will leave you to your dinner if you are in the US, Your supper in Europe and your breakfast in the far east...